WHEN DID CONVERSATIONS FOR THE SAKE OF CONVERSATIONS GO OUT OF STYLE?
In 2018, I was travelling around the country via train. I had asked a friend of mine if he had any blank paper I could use to make a sign with. After some simple construction, I was off to New York City with a blank canvas that’s been renovated with tape and a cardboard box. On the train, I miserably attempted to write my message as straight as possible despite the train’s turbulance. It stated:
“HELLO NYC.
I HAVE A QUESTION…”
I had planned on walking to Times Square from the station and holding up the poorly made sign in hopes that open-minded strangers would come up out of curiosity. I was planning on doing it because I was curious to hear their answers, but mainly because it was an excercise I wanted to practice in order to break through a comfort boundary. Standing all alone, in the middle of hundreds of people, holding up a random sign in the heart of NYC seemed like a nerve-wracking experience.
Needless to say, it was. And more importantly, I failed my excercise.
I sat in the middle of Times Square, with the sign faced down on my lap, for two hours, swimming in a pool of anxiety. I told myself that I would sit there until I find the courage to do it. Unfortunately, it started raining hard, people cleared the streets for shelter and I soon followed. I felt extremely defeated. Afterwards, I reflected on what happened and I couldn’t even come up with a good reason for my anxiety. I sulkily went back to the station, me and my luggage uncomfortably damp from the rain. It was a disapointing night.
A few hours later, I was on my way to San Francisco. During this time, I was on the Meetup app in search for something to do in the city. I stumbled across a group callled Free Intelligent Conversation and I was immediately signed up for the following Saturday.
As saturday rolled around, I got even more excited for the meeting. We were to meet at the statue in Dolores Mission Park, a popular hangout spot in the heart of the city. We are then given “FREE INTELLIGENT CONVERSATION” signs, a deck of ‘icebreaker’ cards and are set loose to roam around the park. Sounds familiar?
To my surprise, it was significantly easier than the NYC experience. The anxiety was overthrown by the excitement. People stared, some took photos as if we were zoo animals, and eventually, some came up and started conversations. Many were hesitant and thought it was a cheap advertisement; I was told several times that “nothing is ever really free”. But each was pleasently surprise when I told them that the whole purpose was to simply start conversations with people. Through the excercise, I had a lot of interesting conversations. It went from simple conversations about what’s the best part about living in San Francisco, to Filipino traditions and to some more complex ideas like sustainability and the treatment of Puerto Ricans.
The experience made me realize a couple of things:
1. The art of simple conversations are quickly diminishing. We often only talk to new people if we need something from them or picking them up.
2. People are disregarding their curiosity. Out of 100%, I would say 5% completely ignored us, 20% came up and started conversations and 75% of the people stopped very briefly or took a second look and hesitated on stopping, but instead kept walking. I had a guy come up and asked if he can take my photo, then walked away. Then, he sent his son to ask me what the purpose of the organization was about. Then, about 15 minutes later, sent his son again to ask if I wanted an ice cream cone, but he never actually stopped to talk directly to any of us.
After my trip, I asked a male friend to see if he ever randomly talks to girls without being attracted to them. Disappointingly, he said something along the lines of “never ever, do not trust anyone who says otherwise!” in an exagerated manner. However, I think this is only prominent with younger people. The older people I’ve met during my travels are usually the ones who just talks to whoever is around them, commenting on the scenery or the atmosphere. Then, they easily carry the conversations to an old memory or a life advice.
3 years later, I still reflect on what I learned from this experience. Since the start of the pandemeic, it seems that people are now more disconnected with each other.
I understand that there are plenty of dangers associated with talking to strangers. It is an unfortunate shift in the culture. People often wonder why it’s so hard for younger generations to make friends outside of school/work or go on dates without relying on a dating app. We are growing up to be so indivualistic, staying in our bubbles for the sake of safety and comfort. I’m not necessarily suggesting to go out and talk to every stranger possible, just a plea to keep an open mind to those around you. With it will come not only a sharpened intuition, but also the possibility of new connections in places you wouldn’t expect and a way to venture out of your comfort zone.
ALVENTURED 