I’m beginning to really see the pattern in my life.
Turns out, it’s just a series of “what the hell is going on?”, “what the hell am I going to do?”, “why the hell did I do that?”, “what the fuck” and scenes where I sit by the light of my lamp at 2 a.m journaling about life and occasionally, a morning of sunrise at the beach with no one around, dancing violently whilst I run into the water fully clothed to symbolize a feeling of freedom.
On a very optimistic note, I have been very critical about myself lately. I procrastinate too much, I have too much desire to do everything on a whim, I don’t know how to relax, I’m so unstable and so on. I’m doing in in hopes that I can pinpoint what I can work on to develop in order to become a better self.
But after everything that has happened in the last 2 years of pure chaos and bitterness, I don’t even know who the person I’m working towards is anymore. Is it still the same person I aspired to be when I was an eager and naive 19 year old? Or have I gone into a new chapter of life that requires a new version of myself that takes into account everything that’s happened?
Whatever I decide to do and be, I shall approach it with compassion and kindness. As much compassion and kindness as one can give herself in times of fear, at least.
ALVENTURED 